Let me start with something that might stop you in your tracks.

Right now, as you read this, thousands of children across the UK are stuck on mental health waiting lists. Weeks turn into months. The distress rises. Parents watch helplessly as their child changes in front of them. In that gap - that agonising, frightening space between asking for help and finally being seen - children are often left trying to manage emotions that are simply too big for them to carry alone.

Some go quiet and disappear into themselves. Some explode, turning their pain outward. Some hurt themselves just to feel something different - or to feel nothing at all.

Meanwhile, the adults who love them - parents, carers, teachers - are left circling the same desperate question:

What do I do right now, today, while we wait for help to arrive?

That is the question this blog is here to explore. It cannot replace professional support, but it can offer practical ways to support a child in the waiting, and remind you that you are not alone in this.

Let’s talk about one of the most immediate, practical, and powerful tools you can offer a young person in distress: a coping box.

This is not a cute craft activity. It is not a trend, a therapeutic extra, or something you put together when you have run out of better ideas. A coping box is a meaningful, accessible tool - something a young person can reach for when emotions become too big, too fast, and too difficult to hold alone.

A brief but important note

If a child or young person is at immediate risk, has seriously injured themselves, is expressing suicidal intent, or you believe they cannot stay safe, this is not a situation for a blog, a coping box, or waiting it out. Seek urgent help through emergency services, A&E, NHS 111, or your local crisis pathway immediately.

A coping box can be powerful. But it is not emergency care.

Why this matters so much

Recent reporting from the Royal College of Psychiatrists warned that, by the end of November 2025, more than half a million children and young people in England were waiting for mental health support, with over half of them already waiting more than a year.

A year.

Twelve months of a child struggling. Twelve months of a family holding its breath. Twelve months of overwhelming feelings with nowhere safe to go.

A coping box does not replace therapy. But it can be there on day one. And sometimes, day one is when it matters most.

That is precisely why I feel so strongly about this.

I have spent many years working with children and young people - in schools, in the community, and in therapeutic settings - where self-harm, emotional flooding, and dysregulation have been at the very heart of my practice. I have sat with young people who simply could not find words for what they were feeling. I have sat with parents who were terrified and exhausted, doing everything they possibly could and still watching their child struggle, still feeling them slip away.

Across all of those years, across all of those conversations and sessions, one activity stands out as one of the most meaningful things I have ever done with a young person:

Creating their coping box.

Not because it is a magic cure. But because the act of building it together - of sitting alongside a young person and saying, let’s think about what helps you - is itself profoundly therapeutic.

It communicates something that words alone often cannot:

You matter. Your feelings matter. And we are going to prepare for the hard moments, together.

When emotions become too big - rage, panic, self-harm urges, crushing shame, low self-worth, relentless anxiety, or a complete collapse in resilience - young people often need something tangible. Something sensory. Something they can do, rather than simply unravel inside.

A coping box offers exactly that.

And this is important: a coping box can help not only the young person who self-harms, but also:

• the child who feels everything too intensely

• the child who feels nothing at all - numb, disconnected, empty

• the child whose self-esteem has been worn down to almost nothing

• the child who rages

• the child who quietly falls apart

The box evolves as the child evolves. But the principle stays the same: when the inner world becomes unmanageable, a young person needs immediate, safer ways to regulate in the moment, before things escalate to a point of real harm.

So, what exactly is a coping box?

When a child is overwhelmed, emotionally flooded, self-harming, or struggling to regulate, one thing becomes very clear: they need more than words in that moment.

They cannot always think their way through a feeling that has hijacked their thinking brain and flooded their nervous system. They need something practical. Immediate. Within reach.

They need a coping box.

A coping box is a personalised collection of items - physical, sensory, meaningful - that a young person can reach for when emotions become too big to manage. Think of it as an emotional first-aid kit.

We keep plasters and antiseptics in the cupboard for physical cuts and scrapes. A coping box is the equivalent for the invisible wounds - the ones that do not bleed, but hurt just as much.

It brings support back into the room. Physically. Visibly. Concretely.

Why this matters so much - especially when self-harm is involved

I want to talk honestly about self-harm for a moment, because if your child is self-harming, or you suspect they might be, this may well be the part of the blog you most need to read.

Self-harm is rarely about “attention-seeking” in the simplistic, dismissive way that phrase is often used. More often, it sits inside a much darker cycle: mental agony, intrusive thoughts, shame, worthlessness, panic, trapped emotion, desperation, and an overwhelming urge to make it all stop.

It is not manipulation. It is not drama. It is a young person trying, in the only way they have found, to survive something that feels unbearable.

The cycle of self-harm

For some young people, self-harm becomes a way of managing feelings that are too big, too painful, too trapped, or too difficult to name. It may function as release, as escape, as distraction from emotional pain, as a way of regaining control, or as a form of self-punishment.

Whatever its function - and that function is important and worth understanding - the cycle often ends in the same place: shame, guilt, self-disgust, and then the whole process begins again.

Which is exactly why alternative coping matters so much.

So the question I always encourage parents and carers to sit with is not:

Why would they do that to themselves?

The more compassionate, more useful, and more clinically helpful question is:

What is this young person trying to say?

A coping box does not erase this cycle. But it can interrupt it. It offers safer, more compassionate options in the very moments when the urge to self-harm is strongest - something a young person can actually reach for when words, and willpower alone, are not enough.

What goes inside a coping box?

This is where it becomes both practical and deeply personal.

A coping box is not a random list of things somebody else decided should help. It is a carefully chosen, individually built collection of items that work for that specific young person - their senses, their triggers, their personality, their needs.

A good coping box can:

• reduce impulsive reactions

• offer safer alternatives in moments of overwhelm

• help a child regulate through the senses

• support emotional expression without harm

• increase a sense of agency and preparedness

• remind a young person that they are not powerless in the face of their feelings

In simple terms, it can help move a child from chaos to choice. It can create a small but vital pause between urge and action.

Before I list ideas, one important note: not every strategy suits every child. Some ideas will feel helpful; others will not. Some will need adult oversight and judgement. Where self-harm risk is active or significant, a coping box should sit alongside wider professional support - not instead of it.

Here is how I think about what goes inside.

1. Items that provide safe physical sensation (Click here for free resources)

This category can be especially important for young people who self-harm, because self-harm is often tied up with sensation: feeling something when numbness has taken over, or trying to redirect emotional pain into something physical.

The aim here is not to mimic harm. It is to offer safer sensory alternatives that can interrupt the urge and bring the young person back into contact with their body without causing injury.

Some young people may find these helpful:

• ice cubes or a cold pack

• sour sweets or strong mints

• popping candy

• bubble wrap

• a textured sponge, soft brush, or exfoliating mitt for sensory input

• a red pen to draw where they might otherwise injure themselves

• a glow stick to snap in the moment of urge

• a hot or cold shower, where appropriate and safe

The key is always this: does it help this young person regulate more safely?

2. Items that soothe through the senses (Click here for free resources)

Sensory grounding helps bring a young person back into their body and into the present moment - which is exactly where they need to be when emotions have taken them somewhere frightening.

Consider including:

• a wheat bag

• hand cream

• a calming scent or scented cloth

• a stress ball or fidget toy

• a soft toy or comfort object

• a smooth stone or grounding object

• headphones and a calming playlist

• hot chocolate, herbal tea, or another familiar comforting ritual

Never underestimate the power of something simple, familiar, and sensory when a child is overwhelmed.

3. Items that distract and occupy (Click here for free resources)

Sometimes the goal is not to process the feeling straight away. Sometimes the goal is simply to get through the peak of the urge without acting on it.

Urges rise, crest, and can pass. Distraction buys time. And in moments of crisis, time matters.

Consider including:

• a sketchbook and pens or crayons

• an art therapy colouring book

• puzzle books or word searches

• bubbles

• balloons

• Play-Doh

• nail art items, a face mask, or another safe self-care activity

• a written list of “10 things to do for 10 minutes instead” in the young person’s own words

4. Items that help express emotion

Some young people do not need distraction first. They need a way to get the feeling out.

Consider including:

• a journal or diary

• lined paper for letters, lyrics, poetry, or free writing

• emotion prompt cards

• crayons and blank paper to draw the feeling rather than explain it

• short grounding prompts such as: What am I feeling right now? What happened just before this? What do I need most in this moment?

For many children and young people, expression is regulation.

5. Items that calm the body

Regulation is not only emotional. It is physical.

The body needs help coming down from high alert before the mind can begin to follow.

Consider including:

• breathing prompt cards

• a short body scan script

• movement prompts or stretches

• a grounding card with the 5-4-3-2-1 technique

• a written reminder to drink water, sit down, wrap in a blanket, or put both feet on the floor

6. Items that reconnect to hope

This is the section I feel most strongly about - and the one often left out.

When a young person is in crisis, their mind narrows. Everything feels permanent. Everything feels hopeless. The coping box needs something that pushes back against that. Something that whispers:

This feeling is not the whole truth.

Consider including:

• a photo of a loved one, a pet, or a meaningful place

• a handwritten note from a parent, grandparent, or trusted adult

• a small list of reasons to stay safe

• a list of future hopes, however small

• a reminder card with phrases such as: This feeling will pass. I have survived hard moments before. I do not have to act on this feeling right now.

• a favourite quote, poem, or lyric

• an object that represents safety, love, identity, or meaning - a shell from a holiday, a friendship bracelet, a favourite teddy, a religious symbol, or something else that anchors them to life beyond the pain

One important note here: I would avoid including photos of peers or friends. Friendships and relationships can change, and an image that once brought comfort can later become a source of pain. Keep this section rooted in unconditional love, continuity, and deeper personal meaning.

How to build a coping box with your child

This is one of the most important parts of everything I have written so far:

Do not build the box for them. Build it with them.

The coping box only really works if the young person has ownership of it. They need to choose the items, decorate the box, know what each item is for, and - crucially - practise using it before a crisis arrives.

This is not a box you simply hand over. It is something you build together, in conversation, with curiosity and care.

A coping box built with a young person says something very different. It says:

I trust you to know yourself. I want to understand what helps you. I am not here to fix you - I am here to support you.

That means less:

• “You should calm down.”

• “Just think positively.”

• “Here’s what you need to do.”

And more:

• “Let’s work out what actually helps you.”

• “Let’s notice what your feelings need.”

• “Let’s make something you can reach for when words are hard.”

A simple step-by-step guide

Step 1: Choose the box together

A shoebox, gift box, tin, or storage box is absolutely fine. It does not need to be expensive or beautiful. It just needs to feel like theirs.

Step 2: Personalise the outside

Let the young person decorate it. Favourite colours, football themes, a band they love, magazine cut-outs, stickers, photos, words, drawings - whatever helps it feel personal.

This is not a superficial extra. Decoration builds emotional connection and ownership, and that matters enormously.

Step 3: Build it in categories

Work through the sections above together. Ask questions such as:

• What helps when you feel angry?

• What helps when you feel panicky?

• What helps when you feel empty or numb?

• What helps when you want everything to stop?

• What reminds you that things can get better?

Let their answers guide what goes in. Their preferences matter more than somebody else’s ideal version of a coping box.

Step 4: Keep it realistic

Do not fill it with things they would never actually use. A smaller box with five or six genuinely helpful items is far more powerful than a beautiful box full of irrelevance.

Ask: Would you actually reach for this when things feel bad?

Step 5: Practise using it in calm moments

This step is often missed, and it is one of the most important.

A coping box should not be opened for the first time in the middle of a crisis. Explore it together when things are calm. Talk about each item. Try them out. Notice what helps. Replace what does not. Make it familiar enough that, in a distressed state, the young person does not have to think too hard - they can simply reach.

And finally, make sure the box is accessible. It should be kept somewhere the young person can get to easily - beside the bed, on a shelf, in a bedroom drawer, or another safe and familiar place.

A coping box is powerful - but it is not the whole answer

I want to be honest with you here, because honesty matters more than false reassurance.

A coping box can be powerful, meaningful, and genuinely helpful. But it is not enough on its own when a child is self-harming regularly, becoming increasingly unsafe, or experiencing thoughts of not wanting to be here.

It is one tool. An important one. But still one tool.

When a young person is in that place, they often need something more structured around them: safety planning, emotional regulation support, careful exploration of triggers, understanding the function of the self-harm, and a more personalised coping plan than any box can hold on its own.

The box matters.

The relationship around the box matters too.

A child needs more than objects.

They need to be understood.
They need someone to sit with them in the difficulty.
They need someone who knows what they are looking at - and knows what to do next.

That is where professional help matters.

How I can help: a focused single-session intervention

After many years of working therapeutically with children and young people - with self-harm, emotional overwhelm, and dysregulation at the very heart of my practice - one of the sessions I feel most passionate about offering is this:

A dedicated, focused, single-session therapeutic intervention built around what your child needs right now.

At Alethos Therapies, I offer focused single-session support for children, young people, and parents around:

• self-harm and urges to self-harm

• emotional overwhelm

• regulation difficulties

• understanding what a coping box is and how to use one

• creating a personalised coping box with the young person

• immediate coping and safety-focused strategies

Sometimes families do not need twelve weeks of uncertainty before they can start doing something helpful.

Sometimes they do not need to wait months on a list while their child gets worse.

Sometimes they need one thoughtful, skilled, grounded session with someone who has spent years doing exactly this work - a session that helps them understand what is happening, what it may be communicating, and what to do next.

In our session together, we can:

• explore what is driving the overwhelm in a safe, non-judgemental space

• understand self-harm more clearly - what it is, why it happens, what it may be communicating, and how to respond without shame or panic

• build a personalised coping box together - not a generic one, but one genuinely shaped around your child’s triggers, sensory needs, and emotional world

• leave with something tangible: a real, ready-to-use toolkit your child can reach for when the next storm arrives

You do not need a referral. You do not need to commit to long-term therapy to begin taking one helpful step.

If your child is struggling with emotional flooding, self-harm, or distress that feels difficult to contain, you do not have to work it out alone.

You are warmly welcome to contact Alethos Therapies for compassionate, clinically grounded, developmentally attuned support focused on what your child needs now - not in eight months’ time.

Email: hello@alethostherapies.co.uk
Call or text: 07555 747171

If you are based in Blackpool, Lytham St Annes, or the surrounding area, and would like support around self-harm, coping strategies, or creating a coping box with your child or young person, please get in touch.

A final safeguarding note

A coping box can be a meaningful part of support, but it is not a substitute for urgent assessment or crisis intervention where risk is immediate or escalating.

If a young person has seriously harmed themselves, is expressing suicidal intent, has a clear plan, or cannot be kept safe, seek urgent support through emergency services, A&E, NHS 111, or your local crisis pathway immediately.

Further reading

• Pooky Knightsmith - Can I Tell You About Self-Harm? A Guide for Friends, Family and Professionals

• Michael Hollander - Helping Teens Who Cut: Using DBT Skills to End Self-Injury

Free resources _access them here.

Alethos Therapies can also provide free coping box ideas and guidance for parents and carers on request. Some resources may also be available through the website. If you would like support getting started, please feel welcome to get in touch.

A Safe Place to Reconnect with Yourself When Emotions Feel Overwhelming

We all have moments when emotions become too big to carry. Sadness that sits heavy in the chest. Anger that feels like it might burst. Worry that won’t switch off.
These feelings are human,  and they make sense. Especially when you’ve been through things that are hard to name or talk about.

This page offers a range of grounding tools, simple, creative ways to help you:

• slow down your breathing,

• come back into your body,

• feel safer in the present moment, and

• begin to make space for what you’re feeling, without shame or judgement.

Whether you are a young person navigating big transitions, a parent supporting a child in distress, or a professional seeking resources for school or therapeutic spaces,  you are welcome here.

What Is Grounding?

Grounding means coming back into the ‘here and now.’
When we feel triggered or overwhelmed, our nervous system can go into fight, flight, freeze or fawn,  making it harder to think clearly, stay calm, or feel safe.

Grounding tools help us reconnect with:

• our senses (sight, touch, sound),

• our breath,

• our body’s inner signals, and

• the world around us — one small step at a time.

They don’t “fix” feelings. But they make space for us to feel them safely, with more choice and less chaos.

Try These Grounding Tools

Each of these can be explored on your own, or with a trusted adult or therapist.

1. 5–4–3–2–1 Sensory Scan

A quick way to bring your mind into the present:

• 5 things you can see

• 4 things you can touch

• 3 things you can hear

• 2 things you can smell

• 1 thing you can taste or imagine tasting

Try saying each one out loud, slowly. Notice how your breath changes.

2. “Ocean Breath” (or Box Breathing)

Breathe in for 4… hold for 4… out for 4… hold for 4.
Repeat this cycle 3–5 times. Imagine the sound of waves coming and going with your breath.

You can even draw a box with your finger in the air as you breathe.

3. Hold Something Grounding

A smooth stone, a piece of clay, a favourite object.
Feel the texture. Squeeze it gently. Let it remind you: You are here. You are safe.

4. Draw Your Feelings

Don’t worry about being “good at art.”
Use colours, scribbles, shapes, anything that helps you express what’s inside, without words.

Ask yourself: Where in my body do I feel this emotion? What colour is it? What shape?

5. The “Safe Place” Visualisation

Close your eyes. Imagine a place where you feel safe, calm, and strong.
What does it look like? Smell like? Sound like? Who’s there (if anyone)?
Come back here whenever you need to.

You can even draw or write about this place later.

6. Barefoot Grounding

If it’s safe and possible,  take off your shoes and stand on grass, earth, or carpet.
Feel the ground beneath your feet. Press down slowly. Notice the weight of your body being held by the earth.

This is especially helpful after dissociation or panic.

7. Affirmations & Reassurance Statements

Softly say (or write) these truths to yourself:

• “This feeling won’t last forever.”

• “I’m allowed to feel what I feel.”

• “Right now, I am safe enough.”

• “I don’t have to figure everything out all at once.”

• “I am doing the best I can with what I know.”

Grounding Isn’t a “Fix” — It’s a Path Back to You

Some tools work one day and not the next, and that’s okay.
Grounding is not about being “better” or “braver”,  it’s about learning to be with yourself when things are hard.

Over time, you build your own toolkit: a personal, flexible way of finding your footing when emotions get loud.

At Alethos Therapies, we believe you already hold the wisdom within you,  our job is to walk beside you as you uncover it.

Downloadable Toolkit

Coming soon:
A free printable version of the Grounding Toolkit for Young People, with illustrations, journaling prompts, and creative ideas for use in therapy, schools or at home.

Subscribe to receive it first 

Want to Talk?

Sometimes, grounding tools aren’t enough, or we just need someone safe to sit with us. If you or a young person you care about needs more support, you’re welcome to explore counselling and therapy with us.

👉 Download a copy of “Grounding Tools for Big Feeliungs” here

A gentle tool to help name and explore your emotions

Sometimes the hardest part of feeling... is knowing what we’re feeling.
Especially for children, young people, and even adults, emotions can feel tangled, fuzzy, or simply too big to describe.

The Feeling Wheel is a simple but powerful tool to help:

• build emotional vocabulary

• strengthen self-awareness

• support communication between young people and trusted adults

• deepen therapeutic or relational work

• develop emotional regulation over time

This printable version has been designed with care for use in:

• one-to-one counselling or therapy sessions

• classrooms or pastoral settings

• home conversations with parents or carers

• personal journaling or creative expression

What’s Included:

• A beautifully designed full-colour Feeling Wheel, breaking emotions into core and expanded feelings

• A black-and-white version for colouring in (great for younger children or creative sessions)

• A How-To Guide with tips for introducing the wheel in safe, developmentally appropriate ways

Why It Matters

At Alethos Therapies, I believe that naming what we feel is the first step to understanding ourselves more deeply.
The Feeling Wheel creates space for truth-telling, softly, safely, and without shame.

It can be used to:

• reflect on a difficult moment

• track how feelings change over a day or week

• open up tricky conversations

• anchor a grounding or regulation session

Download the Feeling Wheel Toolkit
Click here to access the printable pack

A gentle guide for parents, carers, and adults who want to support a grieving child.

Grief is not just one feeling - it’s a whole landscape.
Sadness, anger, confusion, guilt, silence, laughter… sometimes all in the same hour.

When a young person is grieving, whether it’s the death of a loved one, the loss of a pet, a separation, a move, or even a change in identity or belonging, they need more than explanations.
They need presence. Safety. Permission. Truth.

This guide offers a gentle starting point for talking with young people about loss in ways that are age-appropriate, emotionally safe, and deeply human.

First, Know This: Grief Is Developmental

Grief is not a “one size fits all” experience.
A 6-year-old, a 12-year-old, and a 17-year-old will all understand and process death differently, depending on their age, brain development, relational attachments, and life context.

Here’s a simple rule of thumb:

Young people often grieve in waves, not all at once. They dip in and out of the loss as their mind makes sense of it, and as their needs shift over time.

That means they might laugh one minute and cry the next. They might act out, withdraw, or ask surprising questions.
None of this means they’re “not grieving” - it means they’re doing it in their own way.

1. Use Clear, Honest Language

It can feel instinctive to protect children from pain with softened phrases like “gone to sleep” or “passed away.”
But vague language can confuse young minds, leaving them anxious or unsure.

Instead, try:

• “He died.”

• “She isn’t alive anymore.”

• “We can’t see him anymore, but we can still remember him.”

Pair clarity with gentleness. You don’t need to explain everything - but honesty creates safety.

2. Let Them Lead the Pace

Some young people ask lots of questions. Others go quiet. Some just want to play.

All of these are valid.

Let their responses guide the pace. Follow their cues. Don’t force deep conversation, but leave the door open with phrases like:

• “I’m here if you want to talk.”

• “It’s okay if you feel sad. Or angry. Or anything at all.”

• “You don’t have to have all the words - I’ll sit with you anyway.”

3. Make Space for All the Feelings - Even the Messy Ones

Grief can show up as tears, but also tantrums, tummy aches, silence, giggles, nightmares, clinginess, or even numbness.

Let children know that every feeling is allowed.

“Grief isn’t wrong or broken. It’s love that needs somewhere to go.”

Validate their feelings without trying to fix them:

• “That sounds really hard.”

• “I wonder if that made you feel really angry.”

• “You’re not alone. I’m with you.”

4. Use Creative Tools and Storytelling

Young people often process grief through play, art, movement, and metaphor more easily than through talk alone.

Try:

• Drawing memory pictures

• Making a “feelings jar” together

• Reading stories about loss (e.g. The Invisible String, Badger’s Parting Gifts)

• Writing a letter or message to the person who died

• Creating a “grief box” to hold mementoes and feelings

These activities allow expression without pressure, and can give grief a shape that feels manageable.

5. Remember the Person, Together

Keeping memories alive is a powerful antidote to silence and shame.

You might:

• Light a candle together

• Bake their favourite food

• Look at photos or tell funny stories

• Create a memory garden or art piece

• Share what you miss, and what you’re grateful for

Children need to know it’s okay to keep talking about the person who died — that they don’t have to “move on” or forget.

6. Model Your Own Grief - Gently

Children learn from how adults grieve.

It’s okay to let them see your sadness. Saying things like:

• “I feel really sad today, I miss her too.”

• “It’s okay to cry. I’m crying because I loved him a lot.”

• “We’re both figuring this out together.”

This models emotional literacy and gives permission to feel.

Just be mindful not to overwhelm them with adult grief, check in regularly, and make sure they’re not feeling responsible for your emotions.

7. Answer the Big Questions, Even If You Don’t Know

Children may ask:

• “Will you die too?”

• “Where did they go?”

• “Was it my fault?”

• “Why do people die?”

You don’t have to have perfect answers. But you can be honest, grounded, and reassuring:

“That’s such a big question. What do you think?”
“No, it’s not your fault. Nothing you did caused this.”
“I don’t know all the answers, but I do know I’ll always be here to listen.”

Final Thoughts

Grief doesn’t need to be fixed, it needs to be witnessed.
When we talk about grief openly, truthfully, and gently, we give young people the message that they are not alone, that their emotions make sense, and that love lasts even when people die.

Download Our Free Grief Support Toolkit

A printable pack of gentle grief resources for young people, including:

• A “Grief Word Finder” (for those who can’t find the words)

• Creative activities for remembrance and expression

• Grounding tools for overwhelming days

• Conversation starters for parents, carers, and professionals

Click here to download

Need More Support?

If you or your child are struggling with grief, you don’t have to face it alone.
Alethos Therapies offers gentle, developmentally-attuned counselling and psychotherapy for young people and adults.

👉 Learn more about therapy »

To access your free Alethos Sanctuary Journal, click here